1. John Mulaney: When I was like thirteen -- remember that movie Home for the Holidays with Holly Hunter? Do you remember that at all? Robert Downey, Jr. is in it? I went to a diner, and I had lunch, and then I went and saw that movie alone, as a thirteen year old.
    2. Pete Holmes: You were a New Yorker short story.
    3. John Mulaney: I was a citizen. I just walked around.
    4. Pete Holmes: The littlest gentleman.
    5. John Mulaney: The littlest man. Like a little divorced man. Went to a diner and was like, "More coffee please, thank you," and then went to see an okay movie, walked home. And I probably didn't tell anyone I did it. I was probably just like, "Eh," I had my day. Not a big deal.
    6. Pete Holmes: That was my dream, I used to walk to Lexington Center...
    7. John Mulaney: My dreams were so weird like that. A big fantasy of mine was reading a magazine in a diner. How weird is that?
    8. Pete Holmes: That's you in a nutshell. That's perfect.
    9. John Mulaney: That I was like I just want to be left alone and read a magazine at diner where they have like cheeseburgers and stuff. [breaks]
    john mulaney JOHN MULANEY pete holmes you made it weird
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